Brooklyn Nine-Nine: Ranking Every Heist Episode From Worst to Best

Every season of Brooklyn Nine-Nine has had a heist episode. What ones were best?

We’ve come to expect it every year. The detectives of the 99th precinct get together every year for the Halloween Heist. Even though it sometimes hasn’t been on Halloween, there is always a heist to determine the best human/genius. Not all episodes are created equal. With the series finale of Brooklyn Nine-Nine airing last night and the eight-year anniversary of the first-ever episode today, here’s a ranking of all the heist episodes from worst to best.

Note: the heist from season eight won’t be on the list. Don’t want to have spoilers for those who are waiting for it to drop on Netflix.

7. Season Six, Episode 16: Cinco de Mayo

Terry hates losing, but his winning heist was the weakest of the heist episodes. After five Halloween heists, they switched it up by moving it to Cinco de Mayo. Some of the usual fun of Halloween was gone, and Terry ended up winning when he said he wasn’t participating. The winner reveal is outlandish but it just doesn’t have the same charm as the usual Halloween episodes.

Most quotable line – Holt: “Again with this nonsense? I’m the reigning champ. The only thing you won last heist was a lifetime of mediocre heterosexual intercourse with Jake.”

6. Season Seven, Episode 11: Valloweaster

Another episode where the heist is delayed, this time by the constant swallowing of the “Infinitude Gems”. The heist moves to Valentine’s Day, and finally to Easter. Rosa wins this one, finally getting her shine as the world’s amazing human/genius. It was nice to see Rosa win, but the episode again struggles with trying to be too different from the heists that came before it. Still a good episode, but too far from the original spirit of the heist to be great.

Most quotable line – Holt: “Sleep, sleep, you ugly morons”

5. Season Two, Episode 4: Halloween II

From here on out, all of the heist episodes are excellent. The second season heist is centered on the rivalry between Holt and Peralta. Holt manages to turn the whole squad on Peralta, proving he’s just as competitive as Jake is. We truly thought that Peralta had the worst night of his life, losing Holt’s watch, his car, and a bunch of money while getting arrested. Instead, it was Holt scheming to make Peralta feel terrible and make all of us feel great. 

Most quotable line – Gina: “Onedle, plus onedle, equals… toodles!”

4. Season Four, Episode 5: Halloween IV

The Halloween Heist’s fourth run changes the title from amazing detective/genius to amazing human/genius. That’s because Gina wins, taking the title using her amazing rollerskating skills and a pair of fake teeth. With the main trio of Holt, Peralta, and Santiago all gunning for the plaque in the caboodle, it’s Gina sneaking in that makes for a great surprise. This episode also introduces us to Bill, everyone’s favorite NutriBoom salesman and Boyle lookalike.

Most quotable line – Gina: “Whore! I’m great on skates.”

3. Season Three, Episode 5: Halloween Part III

Amy’s time to shine! Santiago is left off the teams as Holt and Peralta go head to head to steal a crown to determine who is the best detective/genius. With Santiago dating Jake and being Holt’s mentee, she is too close to either of them. She manages to play both of them perfectly as Al the Janitor, entering the pantheon of heist winners. The reveal of her as Al is one of the biggest surprises in the history of the heist.

Most quotable line – Jake: “Why does the word who even exist if you’re not allowed to say it.” or Gina – “If I die, turn my tweets into a book.”

2. Season One, Episode 6: Halloween

The first heist is one of the best heists. Only six episodes into the series’ run, we get a great episode that continues to show Peralta’s growth in the eyes of the new Captain Holt. Peralta risks five weekends of overtime in order to prove he’s a great detective to Holt. It shows that Peralta has the respect of the team when he convinces them to help him defeat Holt. The episode started an amazing tradition, so it needs a high ranking.

Most quotable line – Jake: “Kind, sober and fully dressed. Good news everyone, we found the name of Santiago’s sex tape.” The first-ever sex tape joke in the show’s run!

1. Season Five, Episode 4: HalloVeen

The greatest heist had a better prize at the end than being an amazing human/genius. With four former winners, this heist was truly anyone’s game. The cold open of Jake & Amy being ready right when they wake up and Holt is waiting in their room is brilliant. Everyone is competing for the championship cummerbund hanging in the middle of the bullpen, and we get amazing twists like stealing Cheddar, the Handmaid’s Tale diversion, and the team-up of the Tramps. The reason Jake takes this one so seriously is revealed when Santiago thinks she’s won. Jake proposes, giving us one of the series’ greatest moments and the best ending to the best heist.

Most quotable line – Holt: “And you’re not Cheddar. You’re just some common bitch.”

What is your favorite heist? Let us know in the comments or on Twitter at @BingeCorner.

Evan Gomes is a freelance pop culture & sports writer. Follow him on Twitter at @ItsEvanGomes, and check out his two podcasts: Crossbody of Work and The Pop Capsule Podcast.